Thursday, March 7, 2013

Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?

Bang! I couldn't breath. His knee went straight into my gut. I stopped looking at him. All I could see was black and red and white and green and red again. 

All the years of karate lessons had been for nothing. There was nothing I could do but surrender and take it like a man. Hold the tears deep inside and just wait for it to end. 

Music played outside the toilets. It was Fucking In The Bushes by Oasis,

"Kids are running around naked, fuckin? in the bushes.
Kids are running around naked, fuckin? in the bushes.
Kids are running around naked, fuckin? in the bushes.
Kids are running around naked, fuckin? in the bushes"

Second and third blow to my face. I quickly wrapped my head and face with my arms in vain. Jab to my rib cage. Left hook. Right hook. 

I tried to focus on other thing rather than the fact of me being in the most terrible situation I had ever been. The music outside didn't help. "Fucking in the bushes?", I thought, "what the fuck?". All my friends were outside, drinking, laughing and enjoying our Friday get together and I was being used as punching bag in a dirty toilet in Zabovresky.

Graphic Nature by Deftones began playing on the old jukebox of that fucking bar. My head now was being used to hit my attacker's knee. I laughed inside. "I am beating the shit out of his knee, with my goddamn head!", I thought in a fucking sarcastic way.

"Leave your trail open 
Let me inside 
Guess I’m confused more or less 
She'd some light 
And tell me your secret 
How are you trained? 
I promise you I can keep it 
Go on explain… 
Tell me how you do it…now 
Your poison is glowing 
Against the night 
How can you lose"

Chino Moreno went on singing one of my favorite songs. I had been there for hours it seemed. Somehow I managed not to shout for help. I couldn't do anything. Not even throw a punch, try to bite his nose off, kill him.

My pants were unzipped as I was trying to take a leak when this beast decided to go berserk on me and turn me into a practice target. I must have pissed in my pants as he was quick to attack me from behind.

"Nemluvim Cesky", I told him when he grabbed me and turned me around to see my face. His breath stank like beer, piss and cigarettes. "Nemluvis?" he asked me. 
"Myslim ze jo, pico"
"Ja jsem Mexican", I pleaded.
"Ty pico", he said continuing with a sequence of blows directed to my abdomen.

I opened my eyes. I was on the floor right next to the toilet bowl. It was dark and music could be heard from afar. I couldn't make out what song it was. I fixed my eyes on the toilet just to see how badly damaged it was. 

"Fuck, what am I going to do now?", I said to myself. "Should I wait here a little bit longer?", I thought. All I wanted to do was to stand up and lock the door so that motherfucker wouldn't attack me again. 

So I managed to get up and close and lock myself inside. Once I had done that I reached for my phone on the left pocket of my pants and I took a picture of the blood I had spill all over the white toilet. "I need proof that I was attacked", I thought. 

Outside I began to hear screams and broken glass. I decided to wait until everything was quiet. I grabbed some toilet paper and rolled it in order to create a tampon like plug to stop my nose bleed. I used two squares of toilet paper for each nostril. I waited. 

Soon, somebody knocked at the door and I opened. It was a police officer. Someone had called the police and they stopped the guy who attacked me from continuing to beat my friends and everyone at the bar. His friends had ran away. My assailant, had jumped one of the police officers causing him to be sprayed with pepper and beaten with their batons. 

Once he was inside the police car, and everyone had given their statement we continued our Friday night by going to a different pub and drink the night away just to stop the pain at least for a while.

Hrms Etc



  1. I told you several times: you have to go to the gym! Another tip: from now on, pee at home :-)

  2. I know, BUT, toilets have the best stories :D