Tuesday, February 19, 2013


I didn't have any friends during the first semesters of High School. I would wander around the campus looking at people. Looking at how happy they were. Hanging out and copying homework from the nerds. Planning parties and sharing adventures from the previous massive gatherings full on booze and loud music.

I didn't have any friends to walk around the school with. Nor did I have anyone to listen to the stories of a 15 year old friendless guy. Yes, I would spend most of the time at the computer lab, doing homework and surfing the internet. 

On the internet I would find the lyrics to all my favorite songs and learn them by heart. Occasionally, I would assist the class hacker with his daily schedule of playing pranks on the less knowledgeable people at the lab. It was fun, yet it was the only thing I could do to somehow interact with other people. 

I wanted a friend so badly that I would agree and cooperate with JC on installing Sub Zero on the computers so that it would be easier to perform his cyber magic. Nothing like deleting their homework, he had a policy of just having a good time opening the computers' cd tray or opening new browser windows displaying porn. Not just any porn, but the kind of porn that would make a 15 year old stare at the screen in a not-so-well-defined state of disgust and amazement. It was fucking funny to see their reactions and even funnier when one of guards would caught them staring at that pussy dripping cum from Smutland's home page. Indeed, good time to remember, just not enough.

After having had a hilarious time at the computer lab, JC's friends would come and pick him up and disappear outside in the crowd. I would then continue searching for cool pictures of my favorite anime characters.

After finishing my homework for the next day and having printed out lots of lyrics to all my favorite bands' songs I would head downstairs to the cafeteria stand in the main campus square of High School. I would always buy a Sincronizada which consisted of a flour tortilla, mashed beans, ham and cheese and carefully warmed up in a microwave oven. I would then pay and walk to the least crowded place. If I was lucky, I would find an empty bench to sit on and enjoy my lunch. If luck was not on my side I would walk towards the gardens behind the main building of my school and eat my food with great relish.

Then I would go to the toilet. I really liked to use those toilets. They were like hotel toilets. Always clean and with a fresh smell. Soap was always available and they were large and the doors of the cabins locked. And nobody would disturb you while taking a crap.

Most of the times when I went to the toilet, they were empty, which gave me more freedom of taking all the time in the world to get rid of breakfast patiently. But not that day. That day I went inside, opened the cabin's door and checked for toilet paper. I had once ran out of toilet paper and I had to quickly change cabins so that I was able to finish cleaning my asshole. That they as I pull my pants down and sat, some people came inside.

There were two guys I could tell. I sat quietly and listened. The quickly opened the doors to the toilet cabins and locked them in a jiff. I sat there and tried not to make any noise. They continued to talk about football. It hit me then. They were from the school team. They were from university. It was cool that two guys went together to take a dump in the toilet. I fantasized about cool it would be to have a friend to share something as private as shitting with. How long had they been friends to have actually found out that it was ok for them to poo at the same time at the same toilet?. 

Then, one of them started pushing harder. And a fart came out from his asshole. The sound was loud and it echoed in the emptiness of the second floor men's' room. I sat in awe. How could anyone just fart so loudly when they know they are not alone?, I thought. Then the second guy said: "Dude, that's nothing", and he let escape an even louder fart. The first one laughed. What went on was that both of them were competing to win the crown of the loudest fart of that day.

I didn't know what to think. On one hand I thought that those two guys were friends. And to me, friendship was much more than sharing loud stinky gas explosions product of a spicy breakfast. But, the idea of sharing something that most people deem disgusting and embarrassing with someone else seemed to be true friendship. 

They went on until there was no more gas to be drained and no more shit to splash against the inside of the bowl. I heard them talk about their coach and their shitty tests' results. I heard the toilet paper being pulled and unrolled. And then I heard them flush their toilets, open the doors, walk to the sinks and wash their hands. It was all done with laughter and normal conversation. 

Soon they were gone and alone in the privacy of my toilet cabin I sat. Wondering if I would ever share my farts in the same fashion with anyone.

Hrms Etc

1 comment:

  1. For God's sake! Are there people who share that? Can't believe it!