Saturday, January 9, 2016

Pissing In The Office

I ran into the toilet. I had drunk the previous night. I was fucking stressed, so I drowned myself in red wine, even though I knew I would wake up horny. I drained the bottle out. I had a few shots of whiskey and some other of jagermeister. All I needed was to forget what had happened at work that day.

My boss was a bitch and I couldn't´t do anything about it but to swallow my pride and drink to forget. She was a selfish cunt and she knew it. We all did.

All I could ever amount to do was to kill her in my fantasies. Of course I would never end another human being´s life, but only in my wildest dreams she would meet her maker.

I was from America, the continent, no the country, so really there was nothing I could do to end her miserable life but to pray that she would grow a heart, and a brain, and a soul. 

I would find out years later that destiny had something in store for her, but back then all I wanted for her was to die a slow and painful death.

I had woken up to the 5:30 a.m. alarm clock and rushed toward the steamy shower to help myself disguise the stench of alcohol coming out of morning meat suit.

After the morning coffee and my morning song, to help me go through the day, I arrived at work. I dreaded to meet my boss face to face. She had always something nasty to say to me like: oh you´re so short, like a midget, or: oh you´re so ugly like my mother.

I always tried to avoid meeting her. But that day I didn´t even have to try. She was not anywhere to be seen. So, I walked straight into my office.

I did everything what I had to do on that day. I emailed my clients. I called them. I smiled and laughed.

She was not there.

She must be ill, I thought. Fucking Bitch, She was sick and she didn´t let us know. She always broke protocol.

It didn´t matter, I was hungover and I had diarrhea, so I had to go to the toilet. God damn the red wine!

As I was sitting there, minding my own business, until I hear them.

Shut the fuck up! A random guy said.
I won´t say anything, my boss cried.
You fucked us so much already, he said.
Agh...her voice was muffled, as if her mouth had been violently covered.

Another manly voice said: You have been so nasty to me. All I wanted was your love, and all I got was your most horrible side.

I nodded. I knew what he was talking about.

He went on to call her several things.

I sat there in the small cubicle. I sat there until all the raucous had ended. And she was gone.

Thank God, I thought. The most negative person I had ever met had left the building and I was happy.

Hermes Coldwell

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