Friday, October 9, 2015

I'm Lost Without You

"And the world spins by 
With everybody moaning 
Pissing, bitching and everyone is shitting 
On their friends 
On their love 
On their oaths 
On their honor 
On their graves 
On their mouths 
And their words say nothing"

Shirley Manson sang while I silently observed the rest of the people sitting round me. 

Yes, they knew I was there, yet nobody really cared and I took advantage of my time there to space off. I had had a tough week but nobody cared. They all were immersed into what they thought was better, more interesting, more alive. I continued to mend the holes in my mind after a hectic week in real life.

"I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Maybe just happy"

I never really liked Kurt, but on that day I had to fully agree with him and his dull rhymes and lullabies. I had to get out of there and get fucking drunk. I needed to do something. And I needed to do it fast.

The dark night outside called me. I walked across the main square. I walked and dreamed I was happy. I dreamed I was real. I had been drinking a lot. I was fucking drunk. I took my phone out and began recording what I would be later called as the Night Journey.

All I wanted was to get away from this all. I wanted to disappear. And I did. And as I walked towards home, I got a call.

My phone began ringing. I picked up. 

Hey, how's it going. The voice said
It's going well, I just need to pee
Sure, do your thing, the voice replied
Yes, I will pee and I will go home
Sure, whatever you need to do, please do
Well, it doesn't matter, I can pee and do whatever I want
Yes, you can
You cannot tell me what to do, I fired back
Of course not, the voice said
All I want is to pee and go home
Of course
And I don't want to know who you are, I said in a serious way
Well that is already top late
We are home, the voice said.

Hrms Coldwell


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