I'm Lost Without You

"And the world spins by 

With everybody moaning 

Pissing, bitching and everyone is shitting 

On their friends 

On their love 

On their oaths 

On their honor 

On their graves 

On their mouths 

And their words say nothing"

Shirley Manson sang while I silently observed the rest of the people sitting round me. 

Yes, they knew I was there, yet nobody really cared and I took advantage of my time there to space off. I had had a tough week but nobody cared. They all were immersed into what they thought was better, more interesting, more alive. I continued to mend the holes in my mind after a hectic week in real life.

"I'm not like them

But I can pretend

The sun is gone

But I have a light

The day is done

But I'm having fun

I think I'm dumb

Maybe just happy"

I never really liked Kurt, but on that day I had to fully agree with him and his dull rhymes and lullabies. I had to get out of there and get fucking drunk. I needed to do something. And I needed to do it fast.

The dark night outside called me. I walked across the main square. I walked and dreamed I was happy. I dreamed I was real. I had been drinking a lot. I was fucking drunk. I took my phone out and began recording what I would be later called as the Night Journey.

All I wanted was to get away from this all. I wanted to disappear. And I did. And as I walked towards home, I got a call.

My phone began ringing. I picked up. 

Hey, how's it going. The voice said

It's going well, I just need to pee

Sure, do your thing, the voice replied

Yes, I will pee and I will go home

Sure, whatever you need to do, please do

Well, it doesn't matter, I can pee and do whatever I want

Yes, you can

You cannot tell me what to do, I fired back

Of course not, the voice said

All I want is to pee and go home

Of course

And I don't want to know who you are, I said in a serious way

Well that is already top late

We are home, the voice said.

Hrms Coldwell

9.10.2015

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