1979

I didn't have any friends during the first semesters of High School. I would wander around the campus looking at people. Looking at how happy they were. Hanging out and copying homework from the nerds. Planning parties and sharing adventures from the previous massive gatherings full on booze and loud music.

I didn't have any friends to walk around the school with. Nor did I have anyone to listen to the stories of a 15 year old friendless guy. Yes, I would spend most of the time at the computer lab, doing homework and surfing the internet. 

On the internet I would find the lyrics to all my favorite songs and learn them by heart. Occasionally, I would assist the class hacker with his daily schedule of playing pranks on the less knowledgeable people at the lab. It was fun, yet it was the only thing I could do to somehow interact with other people. 

I wanted a friend so badly that I would agree and cooperate with JC on installing Sub Zero on the computers so that it would be easier to perform his cyber magic. Nothing like deleting their homework, he had a policy of just having a good time opening the computers' cd tray or opening new browser windows displaying porn. Not just any porn, but the kind of porn that would make a 15 year old stare at the screen in a not-so-well-defined state of disgust and amazement. It was fucking funny to see their reactions and even funnier when one of guards would caught them staring at that pussy dripping cum from Smutland's home page. Indeed, good time to remember, just not enough.

After having had a hilarious time at the computer lab, JC's friends would come and pick him up and disappear outside in the crowd. I would then continue searching for cool pictures of my favorite anime characters.

After finishing my homework for the next day and having printed out lots of lyrics to all my favorite bands' songs I would head downstairs to the cafeteria stand in the main campus square of High School. I would always buy a Sincronizada which consisted of a flour tortilla, mashed beans, ham and cheese and carefully warmed up in a microwave oven. I would then pay and walk to the least crowded place. If I was lucky, I would find an empty bench to sit on and enjoy my lunch. If luck was not on my side I would walk towards the gardens behind the main building of my school and eat my food with great relish.

Then I would go to the toilet. I really liked to use those toilets. They were like hotel toilets. Always clean and with a fresh smell. Soap was always available and they were large and the doors of the cabins locked. And nobody would disturb you while taking a crap.

Most of the times when I went to the toilet, they were empty, which gave me more freedom of taking all the time in the world to get rid of breakfast patiently. But not that day. That day I went inside, opened the cabin's door and checked for toilet paper. I had once ran out of toilet paper and I had to quickly change cabins so that I was able to finish cleaning my asshole. That they as I pull my pants down and sat, some people came inside.

There were two guys I could tell. I sat quietly and listened. The quickly opened the doors to the toilet cabins and locked them in a jiff. I sat there and tried not to make any noise. They continued to talk about football. It hit me then. They were from the school team. They were from university. It was cool that two guys went together to take a dump in the toilet. I fantasized about cool it would be to have a friend to share something as private as shitting with. How long had they been friends to have actually found out that it was ok for them to poo at the same time at the same toilet?. 

Then, one of them started pushing harder. And a fart came out from his asshole. The sound was loud and it echoed in the emptiness of the second floor men's' room. I sat in awe. How could anyone just fart so loudly when they know they are not alone?, I thought. Then the second guy said: "Dude, that's nothing", and he let escape an even louder fart. The first one laughed. What went on was that both of them were competing to win the crown of the loudest fart of that day.

I didn't know what to think. On one hand I thought that those two guys were friends. And to me, friendship was much more than sharing loud stinky gas explosions product of a spicy breakfast. But, the idea of sharing something that most people deem disgusting and embarrassing with someone else seemed to be true friendship. 

They went on until there was no more gas to be drained and no more shit to splash against the inside of the bowl. I heard them talk about their coach and their shitty tests' results. I heard the toilet paper being pulled and unrolled. And then I heard them flush their toilets, open the doors, walk to the sinks and wash their hands. It was all done with laughter and normal conversation. 

Soon they were gone and alone in the privacy of my toilet cabin I sat. Wondering if I would ever share my farts in the same fashion with anyone.

Hrms Etc

19.2.13

Shit Happens

The night seemed to last forever. And there I was. The O2 Arena was full of the most bizarre people I had ever seen. All gathered there to dance to the beats of Paul Van Dyk. It was not a place I would have chosen to be that night or any other night. In fact, I never thought I would ever pay to attend such a concert. I was more of a rock music type. Beer, smokes and at least 3 power-chord songs decorated with spit and vomit would make my day.

But no, I was at an Electronic concert. I was an alien to the whole subculture. People there didn't look normal. What was normal anyway?. I must admit that some of the attendees had a good taste for looking somewhat off. They all looked like the cool kids in my high school thought they looked like, even though they never quite did.

The place was huge and it was full of people, mostly wearing white clothes with a touch of darker colors giving them a slick accent that in the dark of the night certainly seemed attractive to the eye. They were practitioners of the Techno lifestyle deception. Mystifying their flaws under million lights shining the darkness away for short whiles. Covering up their scars and empty carcass like bodies with make up and expensive looking garments. 

There was something odd to this crowd. It was not the kind of music they adored. The music was ok. There was something wrong and obscure. I couldn't figure it out. So I moved to the bar, located at the side of the dance floor. Surprisingly enough, getting booze was easier than I had expected. People were everywhere, but the bar was not on their map.

"One beer", I said.

"One hundred crowns please", replied a lady with pink hair. 

One hundred crowns, for a beer, "that's fucking expensive", I said to myself. I took my wallet out of my green converse bag and reached for a 200kc bank note. I paid and grabbed my plastic cup with beer inside and I walked back to my spot near the stage.

Again, it was quite easy to move back and forth from my place by the stage to the bar and back again. This was something new to me. There was no mosh pit and people pushing their sweaty bodies against mine at all time just to be closer to the stage to catch a glimpse of their favorite rock stars.

People were everywhere, but it seemed that they had a designated spot to dance freely with no human touch to bother them. Without mixing the salty sweat of the ones around them. For God's sake!, not even spit was being projected out from their mouths. It was organized chaos. And they all looked perfectly in their white pants and white tank tops.

I kept on repeating my routine of going to the bar and getting beer with no effort. "It is great", I thought. The music continued and the people never stopped dancing. My feet hurt. The show was boring. Instead I decided to watch the people around me and try to learn some new steps for the next time I had to dance. They danced in ways I had never seen people from this country dance like. There was something totally wrong about the whole thing.

After 4 beers I decided to hit the toilets. 

That was a journey. Unlike going to the bar for beer refills.

It was like everyone had to go to piss at the same time. "Maybe there is free goodies", I thought. After having pushed my way through I stepped inside one of the many men's rooms.

There were no free goodies. In fact inside the party had taken a different turn. And then, only then, all my suspicions came to an end. 

There were about 10 urinals lined up on the left across from the toilet cabins. There were 5 sinks and a huge empty white hall. All the urinals were taken. All the doors to the cabins were locked. I had to wait in a well organized queue. Behind me, still queuing, the guys danced to their favorite tunes. At the sinks, the guys danced as they washed their hands. And at the urinals, the guys decided to stop dancing and concentrate on something which seemed to be the cause of this party being different.

"Hey, do you have some cocaine?", asked the guy behind me

"Hmmm, no I don't sorry", replied politely

"What about some speed?", he went on

"I am out of speed", I said, trying to fit in

"Anything to smoke?" he inquired

"Just cigarettes"

"Can I have one?", I nodded and gave him one. I took my lighter out and lit a small greenish flame. He lowered his head and lit his cigarette.

"Thanks", he said while exhaling a large cloud of carbon monoxide.

"Yeah, sure", I said and turned around trying to find an empty spot for my urine. 

"Hey, care for some weed?", he asked

"Hmmm, yeah why not" I fired back, "do you have any?"

"No, I don't, but my friend has some good shit"

"Well, let me pee and I'll meet you outside"

"OK"

Some dude finished doing business with the urinal and walked back to the concert hall. It was my turn to finally piss the shit out of that urinal. 

So, I unzipped my pants and took my penis out. Oh it was good, too much beer had to be drained from my system. Then, I heard a loud moan. It was the guy taking a leak right next to me, on my left side. I couldn't avoid turning my head and looking at him. With his right hand he was rubbing something on his gums, and with his left hand he was holding a large cock that was far from passing unnoticed, even if you are one of those men who do not like to look at other men's tools at the toilets. 

"Damn", I thought, "is it hard or is it just a big chunk of manhood he is holding out there?". He went on moaning. His breath became harder and shorter as if he felt an orgasm coming. I directed my sight back on my business. Then I turned my head to the right, and saw that the guy next to me was also looking at Moaner, and then at his cock. And then I saw on his face the same expression I thought I had made when I saw that tremendous dick.

The guy on my right quickly finished pissing. Moaner continued to moan."He must be having a pig orgasm", I thought. Immediately, the urinal on my right was being used, or abused again. And I continued to urinate. 

Soon I heard a sound similar to what tic tacs make when you take them and place them on the palm of your hand. Everyone in that place was doing drugs. Moaner seemed to have finished as the moaning had stopped. His place filled up almost immediately. I was nearly done too. So I shook my dick, concealed it back into its place and headed to the sinks.

It was then when I heard it. An angry woman shouted: "Fuck you, I told you not to come inside", I halted as the door from one cabin opened and reveled a young woman in her 20s storming out with her face smeared with different fluids and colors. The guy sat on the toilet with his pants down and a face full of disappointment.

"These people certainly know how to party like rock stars", I said to myself. "Will I end up doing something similar if I smoke that joint?". I washed my hands and left to get myself a nice cold beer and continue to enjoy the decadent party that still had lots to offer.

Coldwell

5.2.13